I feel so disappointed and low in my life. But nothing compares to what i have suffered before. Millions of Thank God that i am living in a country, where there is help for woman. And specially for women facing Domestic Violence.
I am happy that government is still doing its best to provide help to victims of domestic violence, But then i am very very sad and angry about people who is making money from government on the name of " help" but basically helping themselves.

I been to refuge and that was a very scary , horrible, and worst experience.  When women are forced to leave their house under the threat of taking their child away if they stay in the house with violent or abusive man, Majority do leave and usually send to refuge, Now when victim reaches to refuge, totally lost and completely disoriented full of fear, they are given a pile of papers, many can't even read because they are not educated and coming from other countries, they sign. actually i think everyone will sign without even reading, because that is the only option.
Now when once sign is done, victim comes under legal obligation, not to talk any thing about refuge. Do they help victim. I want you to decide?
They charge money to government according to the one bedroom flat, but give victim a small or medium size room. They beg grant for the victim's mental help saying they provide counselling, but how can a victim get counselling when they don't provide childcare and victim who has no money , no family and no friend, ????? How can they get that help. I can go on and on about refuges from my own experience. Majority of them are taking advantage of vulnerable people. my privacy was breached right in front of  my eyes, when my case worker talked  to other women about my case and things i discuss with her, which was confidential. I couldn't do anything.
So i feel very sad how people make money from using and abusing vulnerable people.

I am stopping now, because even remembering refuge time is making me sick, like i need to vomit , and can't even see cos tears are running down. They were cruel, they know how to cover themselves by taking signatures , they know how to black mail.

Government should look deep into refuges structure. Refuges should be visited by authorities without any notice, Someone should just go there without any notice and demand to see victims to get their feedback. and ask about their experience, and ask what help they got other then the information about lawyer? citizen advice can tell that . help with the benefit? again  citizen advice! they can help.
So basically i don't understand what kind of help they provide, other then giving a room, and taking signature after signature and making money from the government and begging for charities.

So according to my experience and knowledge and looking a head into the future, Government should make certain mandatory rules for the refuges, which will help to filter the scams, whether the help provider or victim ( as i saw , certain victims were not even victims, but they were there for claiming houses).

So I think teaching victims to read and write basic English, Providing counselling  , Childcare and above of all looking at the future , Teaching Basic IT skills, should be one of prime responsibility of the refuge. And that is what I call help.

Since case worker is the one who is very much involved in the victims life so it should be their responsibility. It will help filtering scams in many ways and will  genuinely  help to genuine people.

There should be a proper course and internship for the case worker. A course that is based on Psychology,English and IT.and themselves had suffered the Domestic violence as well.
So my point is provide right kind of help. don't use and abuse victim.

Acid Attacks

Unlike many other countries Pakistan doesn’t follow any strict rules when it comes to selling chemicals such as sulphuric Acid, Hydrochloric Acid. In fact it is used in an average domestic household as a toilet and sinks cleaning purposes. Furthermore in villages its used for Agricultural purposes. It is cheap and available everywhere.

Majority of acid burn and petrol burn cases involves proposal refusal or outgoing wife and divorces. Proposal/refusal victims are attacked and disfigured in such a way so that they may never give to another, what they refused of their attacker. These women are forced by society to live with their parents and will never likely marry. For wives it is much the same motivation,  except some are burned by their abuser in order to trap them in the home and others are to ensure any future is destroyed.

Men suffer domestic violence as well

we all know that  majority of domestic violence victims are women but abuse of men happens far more often . Typically, men are physically stronger than women but that doesn't mean they can easily escape the violence or the relationship. An abused man faces a shortage of help, police don't listen to them, and major legal problems, especially when it comes to gaining custody of his children from an abusive wife/mother.

An abusive wife or partner may hit, kick, bite, punch, throw things, or destroy possessions. To make up for any difference in strength, they may attack you while you're asleep . She may also use a strike you with an object, abuse or threaten your children, or harm your pets. Of course, domestic abuse is not limited to violence. Your spouse or partner may also:

• Verbally abuse you, insult you,  in front of friends or family, or on social media.
• Be possessive, act jealous, accuse you of being unfaithful.
• controlling behaviour, like try to control where you go and who you see.
• Take control of finances.
• threatened you in anyway, and make you isolated
• Manipulation.

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         CHILD MARRIAGE OR EARLY AGE MARRIAGE

According to UNFPA  "Child marriage is a human rights violation. Despite laws against it, the practice remains widespread, in part because of persistent poverty and gender inequality. In developing countries, one in every four girls is married before reaching age 18. One in nine is married under age 15".

According to UNICEF "UNICEF believes that, because marriage under the age of 18 may threaten a child's human rights (including the right to education, leisure, good health, freedom of expression, and freedom from discrimination), the best way to ensure the protection of children's rights is to set a minimum age limit of 18 for marriage.

UNICEF is opposed to forced marriages at any age, where the notion of consent is non-existent and the views of bride or groom are ignored, particularly when those involved are under age."

Countries Where Child Marriage Is a Problem :-

Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, Middle East, Ethiopia In the rural village of Egypt.
Young girls are not allowed out of their houses except to work in the fields or get married. These innocent girls are often married off as young as 7 years old. Some families allow girls who are only 7 years old to marry. It is very unusual for a girl to reach the age of 16 and not be married.

 Early marriage leads to problems like Poor health, early death and lack of educational opportunities lead the list of problems .  The leading cause of death for young girls between the ages of 15 and 19 in developing countries is early pregnancy, young brides have double the pregnancy death rate of women in their twenties.

Domestic violence

The cross-government definition of domestic violence and abuse is:
any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. The abuse can encompass, but is not limited to:

• Physical
• Sexual
• psychological
• financial
• emotional

Honour Crimes

Just couple of days ago I received a picture from Pakistan of a newly born baby in the garbage, in black bin bag and title of the picture was “Because I am Girl”. It made me very upset and it wasn’t the first time and it will not be the last. Girls are considered to be liabilities for two reasons; Dowry and second main reason is to supervise her all the time. Dowry is Goods or money that girl’s family give to her which she takes to next house. Concept of dowry was to help with the marriage and starting new life but it has taken entirely new form due to our greed. Now a day dowries are so extravagant that it often puts girl’s family in debt . Dowry is one of many reasons which deprived girl from her basic right of education. Since family has to save for the dowry so they don’t spend on girl education. So they remain in home and are neglected most of the times.

I belonged to a very conservative society. Where sons are strength and daughters are weaknesses. Where gender discrimination is still a big issue. Where there is celebration on the birth of a boy and mourning on the birth of a girl. In my country boy bring security to family, Hope of better future, as they think he will grow up get a nice job and help the family. And above of all boys are the bearer of family names . Where as girl is considered to be burden, her place is in the house all the time. 

We Pakistani women live in a society which is based on strict self made religious, family, and tribal customs that forces us to live in submission and in complete fear. Women in Pakistan are subjected to discrimination and violence on daily basis due to our cultural and self made religious norms. Our majority of religious leaders who are mostly uneducated, preaches views which indicate that women are men’s property as a result of which women are physically, mentally and emotionally suppressed. Traditional Pakistani values depicts that women are considered to be property of male family members. Women are owned by their father and brother before marriage and after marriage husband and his family takes over. It’s obvious when men believes that women are just an object or property, they are feel that they can do whatever they want to, which results in increased number of domestic violence.

 In majority families in Pakistan boys are allowed to do anything, They are entitle to freedom ,rules are different and linear for them where as for girls they are not entitle of any freedom, rules are different and strict for girls. For example in many houses girls don’t pick up the telephone. Girls are not allowed to go out. Girls are not allowed to marry by their choice. Our culture is to get married girl as soon as possible. In few families girls are engaged as soon as they are born. Girl reputation is so delicate she is not suppose to be seen talking to any opposite gender as it shows loose character and it will ruin her prospect of getting married.

According to a survey conducted by the Thomson Reuters Foundation, Pakistan is the world’s third-most dangerous country for women, after Afghanistan and the Democratic Republic of Congo.

 Although many people say for them their boys and girls are equal but gender discrimination exists almost in every house. In lower Punjab in average house hold its boys and men of the house gets the food first and then remaining goes to girls. And only boys get education where as girls stay at home.

 In lower Punjab where there is less education honour related crimes are more than other cities.

 This website is about actual incidents which happen in lower Punjab of Pakistan on a daily basis. Keep in mind that only a few of these cases get registered. Mostly honour killing cases remain unreported. Thousands of women get killed in Honour attacks in Pakistan every year. Sometimes the stories behind the honour killings cases are completely different, and they are no way linked to honour killing but are purely murder.